met another survivor with a toddler

Lots have happened since my last posting, but I haven't been able to really sit down & post my thoughts til now. But I did want to reflect upon this past Tuesday, when I took Kailee to Keiki Steps after a few weeks of not attending this parent-child play group. I met a woman there who is new to the group, a transplant from California, with a son just a bit older than Kailee. I mentioned I haven't been coming as much due to working part-time following my chemotherapy -- she asked what kind of cancer & I said breast & she said she too had to go through treatments while pregnant w/her son. "That must've been scary!" I said. I felt so sad about her experience -- she had to have a double mastectomy, since her cancer was genetically linked, and had reconstruction too, so she couldn't breast feed. I mentioned my support group, and upcoming events sponsored by our local American Cancer Society chapter & she expressed surprise that there was so much going on. We talked a bit more but then had to chase after our sons. I mentioned meeting this woman to Pete later on -- it was the 1st time that I met another survivor w/a really young child -- it made me feel I wasn't so alone. I would've been in her situation if my lump was properly diagnosed during my pregnancy.

A few weeks ago, I read an obituary in the Honolulu paper about a woman exactly my age who died from Leukemia & had 2 elementary school-aged kids & a 4 month old infant. Diagnosed when pregnant, she went ahead with her pregnancy, delaying treatments until after her baby was born, but to no avail. She did not find a bone marrow donor match & other treatments did not work. It was so tragic that now these kids don't have a mom -- I can only imagine what she must've been feeling going through the last days of her life. Maybe I won't be so afraid of dying when the time comes, but it would be even harder to bear the thought of leaving behind young children to cope.

Yes, death is inevitable -- will our own be quick or prolonged, peaceful or violent? My mom recently spoke w/someone from a mortuary about funeral costs & just got a quote in the mail. She wants to be prepared & years ago, bought 2 other plots next to my dad's to even include her father. The horrific Virginia Tech mass murders that happened earlier this week remind you of how life can be taken away in an instant, this on top of the daily carnage in the Middle East. The parents of those men & women killed on campus & in war zones must grapple with their grief & find some kind of meaning behind the violent deaths. It's the survivors, the ones left behind, who must heal from the pain & hopefully carry on the best they can...