I'm thankful for...

...lots of things! My surgery on Friday the 21st went fine -- Pete helped to check me in around 12:30, then I changed into a wonderful hospital-issued gown & socks, & went into the pre-op area where I was asked a bunch of questions by several doctors & given my IVs & off to a deep sleep! Woke up totally drowsy & nauseas, and saw Pete's sister Jan visiting after work around 6pm. She ended up waiting around a few more hours until I woke up again after getting more anti-nausea meds. I felt bad about it since Pete was to pick me up & Jan was to meet up w/her boyfriend Clint for dinner. I didn't want to stay overnight, since the last time I was in the recovery room, I had very little rest due to all the comings & goings of the providers & noise from the other patients. Went straight to bed & tried to sleep it off, after having some fruit pie & ice cream (Pete insisted it was good for me) since it's better to have some food with the vicodin. We've had to remind Kailee to be careful around me & not play rough.

On Mon. the 24th, my older sister Yin Ling flew in from India to try to help me out as well as to do some work for her husband's start-up -- I'm so happy she's here until the 23rd. On Tues., the 25th, Dr. Anderson called to say my axillary lymph node surgery (12 nodes removed, originally she wanted to remove 5) results showed no spread & the new margins looked clear too. I was pleasantly surprised the results came back so quickly. I shared the good news with my support group that evening -- it was extra special because the week before, folks wanted the next one to be more celebratory, so Vicki (the coordinator) & other women brought yummy refreshments. It was great having everyone share what they're thankful for in their lives, given our current health challenges.

Then the next day I saw Dr. Anderson to get my drain removed -- it was pretty awkward having this tube attached to my bandage, but at least that's out & I can take a normal shower. So with the clear lymph nodes, that means they would have me do chemo AFTER radiation rather than before. I guess I was confused -- I thought I could forgo chemo if the lymph nodes were OK. I was disheartened & ended up crying in her office, that I just wanted my life to go back to normal ASAP & that chemo would take additional months of treatment & recovery. She was pretty sympathetic about my situation & advised me to try not to do any research nor think too much over Thanksgiving weekend, but Pete told her that would be close to impossible. I swung by the health ed ctr & borrowed a few books "Beat Cancer with Nutrition", "Breast Cancer Husband" & "Help Me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to know." I'll try to write my thoughts on these books after I'm done reading them (or see if Pete would read the geared book for him).

So I'll get the stitches removed this coming Friday. I'm still pretty sore & can't lift my left arm above my chest. Pete's younger brother gave me an acupuncture treatment a day before my surgery & also did some pain treatment on Sunday, & he'll do another one today. Yes, I certainly have lots to be grateful for during this time!

Life in limbo...

Seems like there's always some kind of wait when dealing with a diagnosis. The original tumor was retested & found to be ER+! So perhaps I could've benefited from Tamoxifen from the beginning & not have to deal with this darn recurrence. Still waiting to hear why they missed it the 1st time around.

So I need to get results from testing more lymph nodes, which will be removed at the same time as my re-excision (which may happen this coming Friday or Monday). The tumor board at Sloan-Kettering last Tuesday recommended the re-excision w/radiation & tamoxifen, but chemo would be entirely up to me since there's no substantial evidence for a clear benefit to having more. Then the Kaiser tumor board which met on Thursday wants my surgeon to take out more lymph nodes to make sure there's no spread there -- so the CT scan wasn't useful for that. At least my breast MRI on the right side is clear. I need to try & do some more research on the issue of more chemo -- if it didn't work the 1st time, why go through the toxic effects again? My surgeon said that if I were her sister, she'd definitely want me to go for the chemo due to my (relatively young) age & the aggressive nature of my recurrence (1.5 cm & returning in about 2 years).

Another issue is whether to stay in San Rafael for a few more months -- need about a month to heal after the surgery & then undergo 6 wks of radiation (& possibly 3 mos. of chemo before that), then move to the San Jose area. It would be ideal to have all my care in this familiar area with support from friends & Pete's family, but also it would be great to have our own space & get settled sooner than later, in that case I'd have to set up a new team of providers & get used to the facilities over there.

I'm thankful Kailee is enjoying his day care -- we're lucky he's an adaptable kid & isn't afraid of new experiences & people. The couple that runs this in-home day care (only a mile from home) are always patient & cheerful. They go for walks outside & even have a van for field trips. I'm glad they're flexible with the variable 2 days/week plan thus far. Kailee doesn't even say good-bye when I leave!