Reconstruction thoughts & being thankful...

On Nov. 17, I went to consult with a plastic surgeon at Kaiser's Moanalua hospital on Oahu. Kaiser paid for my trip & Pete & Kailee came as well, since Pete's dad was also in Honolulu during that time, so we decided to see other friends & relatives for the weekend (and get to go to our favorite Japanese seafood buffet -- Makino Chaya!). While Aunty Chic & Pete's dad stayed with Kailee, Pete drove me to the hospital and listened in during the consultation.

After examing me and taking some measurements, Dr. Faringer was really nice & patiently explained to me the 2 options available -- The 1st is saline or silicon implants, which would be considered an "outpatient" procedure -- not requiring an overnight stay and is the quickest procedure & requires the least amount of recovery time, but I would need to have an expander put into my chest to grow skin (requiring weekly saline injections perhaps in Kona or Honolulu) and then the implants would need replacement roughly every 10 years or less (and complications may include infections or scarring around the implant).

The 2nd is a procedure using my own tissue which would require many more hours in the operation room & require almost a week in the hospital and almost a month of no heavy lifting. Unfortunately, this major surgery would result in losing some abdominal muscle during this "tummy tuck" (and possibly getting a hernia) -- basically, it's removing fat & muscle from my abdomen & channeling it through my body and reshaping this "flap" in my chest wall. In order to get a different, more complicated procedure done that doesn't require removing muscle, it requires a surgeon trained to do microsurgery, so I'd have to go to the mainland to do it & I'd have to get a referral & approval to have it done at a Kaiser hospital perhaps in Northern California. Also, the doctor said that I don't have enough ab fat to evenly match my remaining breast -- which actually surprised me because I thought I had enough for TWO boobs! Hmmm, maybe I should stop exercising and gain more weight for this type of procedure????

Well, Pete doesn't think I need to do any reconstruction, but ultimately, as the doctor said, it's up to me about how I feel about my body & what I'm willing to deal with. My insurance should cover reconstruction, but I'd have to figure out the timing, due to work & taking care of Kailee. Also, I'd just like to feel more balanced, less "disfigured" or "deformed", & feel more comfortable in my body & not have to think too much about making myself feel "even" every single day using a prosthesis. Yes, there are more things to worry about, but I guess it's part of my survivalship dealing with how I want to live in this body.

This Thanksgiving weekend, we give thanks for many things in our lives -- our friends & family, our health & good fortunes & the opportunities to learn & grow from our challenges. So in this spirit, here's Yin's "Top 10 List of Benefits of Having Cancer & Going Bald Through Chemotherapy":

10. Getting free trips to Honolulu (and Pete's dad treating us to Makino Chaya)
9. Having an excuse to take naps (now that Kailee's no longer a newborn) & having an excuse to "feed my appetite"
8. Saving money on my hairdresser & hair care products
7. Saving time on washing & drying my hair (maybe I'll just keep my hair short)
6. Getting offers for babysitting
5. Having srangers approach you asking about your cancer experience & offering encouragement or advice
4. Having an excuse to legally grow and use pot (but my anti-nausea drugs made that unnecessary)
3. Meeting other amazing cancer survivors and becoming part of a "sisterhood" of survivors
2. Giving me a better perspective on things so I "don't sweat the small stuff" as much, and
1. Hoping that all the aggressive treatments will allow me to be in remission for the rest of my life!

Good News On Election Day

Last Tuesday Nov. 7th the Democrats were able to take control of the House & the Senate! Yes, as a Democrat, I'm hoping the Republican's "Contract on America" & foreign policies will be replaced with some sanity. With all the mayhem going on in the Middle East & other suffering going on worldwide, it sometimes seems like my cancer diagnosis is just so insignificant in the larger scope of the universe. But something significant in my road to recovery also happened on Election Day -- my period started again. I was receiving Lupron shots during my chemo treatments to put my ovaries into a state of hibernation, in the hopes that they would be protected from the treatments. So I had no periods since March -- on one hand, I welcomed not having to deal with them, but on the other, I was anxious about whether my fertility would rebound & wondered if I could have another child (without going through infertility treatments or adoption). It's recommended to wait 2-3 years (after treatments I think) since the chances of a recurrence are greatest during that time period. I'll be about 40 then & who knows how healthy my ovaries will be even with the return of my periods and whether I'll remain in remission. It makes me frustrated that I have to put my life on hold because of the potential of the cancer returning. A useful website that specifically addresses fertility issues & cancer is www.fertilehope.org. One day I hope that I will be able to post a happy outcome on their website and my blog.

Everyday I'm grateful for having Kailee, who's now about 18 mos. old, and for all the joy & love he brings into our lives. I thinkWhen I hear about other mothers who've died from their cancers, leaving behind young children, it makes me both so sad & anxious. About two months ago, I borrowed a book from the library entitled "Before I Say Goodbye" a memoir of a young woman, a British journalist, who died from breast cancer, leaving behind a husband & 2-year old twins. I couldn't read beyond the introduction. It just made me so depressed to think that perhaps I myself wouldn't see my child grow up, that I wouldn't grow old with my husband. Maybe one day I'll pick up that book again. So for now, there's a brighter future for both the world and my hopes for another child...